February 14, 2012 by E.
take me for what I am
who I was meant to be
and if you give a damn, take me baby,
or leave me.
If you’ve seen Rent, you’ll have an idea of where I’m going with this post. If you haven’t, watch this, and then go watch the movie. Keep a box of tissues nearby.
Everyone knows that ultimatums can sabotage a relationship. They breed resentment, distrust, and bitterness. We’ve all read a Cosmo/GQ/whatever magazine article advising us to steer clear of such a glaring relationship pitfall. Instead of dictating a blanket demand, we’re supposed to communicate, openly, honestly, and rationally, with our significant other to work out our preferences and requests.
That’s all well and good. Refrain from making final demands. It’s easy for us to avoid saying the words “you must” or “you must not” – that’s an action item we can all control.
But what about the nonpareil ultimatum, the one that goes unspoken? The demand that few of us are able to admit that we’re making.
Take me baby, or leave me.
What we tell ourselves is that we want an unconditional love, that’s based on something deeper and more meaningful than physical appearances, or outward flaws. We tell ourselves that we want someone who loves me for me. We tell ourselves that we want someone who loves us even if we’re not perfect, someone who will forgive us for not making the bed, for cursing too much, for smoking, for being impatient, for making a fool of ourselves at a bar.
To a certain point, I agree with this mindset. I certainly understand it. But what if that’s not entirely healthy? Has “unconditional love” become a crutch for mediocrity? Has it become an excuse for staying static, rather than transforming?
What if we stop searching for someone who will merely take me for what I am?
What I have found, is someone who loves me for who I was meant to be. While he loves me with my faults, he also encourages me to grow through them, past them, beyond them. I have found someone who changes me, makes me become someone I’m not right now, makes me become someone better than I am right now. While I know his love is unlimited and unquestioning, he inspires me to break out of my comfort zone, to the benefit of myself and our relationship.
He makes me more steadfast, more adventurous, and more certain. He inspired me to jump out of a plane and off of a cliff. He loaned me the confidence to stand up for myself at work. He constantly challenges the way I look at life and at love.
I am not the same person I was before I met him. I did not change for him; I did not degrade myself into a different person to catch or hold his attention. I have metamorphosed because of him. He would never take me baby, or leave me – he holds me to a higher standard than I do myself.
We are growing, and we are thriving.